Sunday, 10 February 2019

The struggle of not being ‘the’ friend

Friendship groups

This is something I’ve always had a mental battle about, but something I still feel quite true to this day. You can have loads of friends, close friends, work friends and distant friends, but does that really make you ‘the’ friend. All my friends are from different friend groups, I don’t have a big group of the same friends, I've never had a 'girl gang', and mostly have scattered friends. They all have their own groups of friends that they do things with, then there’s me, who isn’t part of those groups. This is where my struggle lies.

I have a few friends I would class as my best friends, maybe not so much for them, but they are the friends I turn to and want to see mostly. However, this is rarely reciprocated. I find a lot of the time my friends are busy with their real groups of friends or another person who is ‘the’ friend to them. So that means they’re mostly too busy to do things with me, and I spend quite a lot of my time either at the gym or watching Netflix. 

So I go to the gym, they have their groups that do things together outside the gym - this isn’t me. 
Old and new work friends, they go out for drinks after work or meet up for lunch - this isn’t me. 
Old school friends, they go out most weekends or are always tagging each other on Facebook - this isn’t me. 
My close friends, they go out most weekends with their partners or their other friends - again, this isn’t me. 

It’s quite tough being the person who has to ask your friends to do things, but again to be shot down. Maybe it’s an age thing? People are too busy with their own lives, they forget about their other friend. Yet here they are, sitting in hope you may want to do something with them in the next month, or 3. 

But how do you be ‘the’ friend people ask to do things with all the time? Do you have to be the funny one? The really adventurous one? The crazy one? What makes your friends ask you to do something fun, or even as simple as sitting in the pub for one pint. They do it with their other friends, so what do you do wrong?

Friendship groups

I think this is where my love of travel comes from, it means I can go somewhere new and forget all my inhibitions and enjoy life. You know you have something fun around the corner, cause what isn’t fun in Bali, Germany, Canada? Whereas at home you hide yourself in the latest Netflix series (which I've now watched everything). Or end up neck deep in your friends, aunties, sons, friends Facebook out of boredom?

The struggle of making friends over the age of 25, for me is a lot harder. What I would do to be back in school with my big group of friends and not having to worry about day to day life! Maybe I need to get another hobby and meet new people? Who knows.

Is this something you've felt before? What do you do to overcome it?

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